The evolution of a painting

I thought it would be interesting to document the painting process - This is a picture that I painted earlier today - done in acrylics - my favourite medium. It still needs a bit of tinkering, but I think it turned out pretty well!

Rain

Just a quiet day at home today. Time to reflect upon life, and cross out things from the 'to do' list. It has been raining off and on all day long, and I decided I would step outside and try to capture it digitally - here is one of my attempts. Of course, it's a shallow representation of what was truly a fantastic rain storm, but there you go. I've always enjoyed listening to the sound of the rain - in fact, I believe that there is nothing better to listen to at night. It always tends to send me to sleep, when nothing else will. There is just something so soothing about the sound of the rain on the roof.
So yes, just doing the regular house-wife stuff today. I've just put some ingredients in the bread maker for Pizza dough...... mmm...... Pizza with Salami and Olives and cream cheese. Life is good. The bread maker is great as it kneads the dough for around 25 minutes, which means that you get an amazing pizza base which is just as it should be - nice and stretchy and with a lovely texture. I think we'll have to invest in one of those once Ali leaves and takes it with her.


We had some good news today too, from friends Peter and Jo. Peter went in for his operation, only to find out he didn't need to have it at all! Such fantastic news. I think this may be cause for celebration :D I'm so happy for both of them!

In recent times...

I would say that this picture adequately describes the mood I'm in at the moment - playful and happy. I've been on holiday for a week now, and I'm finally beginning to feel relaxed. Last term was really difficult in so many ways, although I feel as though I did a lot of growing during that time and it has lead to new beginnings in the form of a new job, so that's something to be both relieved and excited about. I find whenever I begin a new job, I always start to freak out a few days beforehand. I begin to doubt my own ability, and wonder why they hired me, when surely anyone else could do the job better than me? This time round, I'm trying to stay positive (and realistic) and silence those old tapes whenever they start to play. I know that it's true, a lot of the stuff I'll be doing will be new to me, but I am able to learn and I will become better over time. Sometimes you just need to push yourself that little bit further, and you'll find that you'll grow so much from the experience. This year, I not only want to push myself in terms of my career, but I also want to experience creativity more fully. I'm doing that a bit in my fanfiction writing (which is incredibly bad but I still get a kick out of it, so it works for me!). I also want to get back into painting, and possibly sewing, too. I realised that I spend way too much time watching DVD's when I could be doing other interesting things that actually mean something to me, not just tuning out and turning away from the world. Because essentially that's what I'm doing when I'm watching a movie or TV show. I mean lets face it, it doesn't take much energy to sit in one place for two hours staring at a box! so I'm going to start off with good intentions and we'll see what happens.
I've had a good week in general. We've had Ali to stay, which has been fantastic, and have also caught up with lots of friends over the past week. Last night we had a fantastic dinner at Jo and Peter's place (delicious home-made pasta sauce and yummy AUTHENTIC Italian pasta!) along with a lovely drink of gin, which I managed to spill all over the table. But being the lovely hosts they are, they didn't seem to mind too much at my lack of co-ordination and general clumsiness. Tonight we're cooking a roast chicken, it's one of those nights where all you feel like doing is staying in and eating yummy food. I've baked a caramel slice which we're going to have for dessert. It's to die for and is absolutely loaded with evil ingredients - the main one being butter, and closely followed by condensed milk. Oh, and loads of sugar.
I really wanted to go to the dawn parade yesterday, but couldn't quite rustle myself up out of bed. I've been thinking about the meaning of Anzac day recently, and what it means to me, and it still blows me away that people sacrificed their lives so they could create a better world for all of us. Ok, that sounds naive perhaps, but that is how it feels for me. I think of what my Grandad when through during those years - going off to war when he was little more than 17, and how he wasn't able to experience his youth in the same way that we get to. I admire him so much for that, and I admire and respect all those people that did the same. Their loss of freedom means that we get to enjoy freedom today. We are just so lucky.

Saying goodbye

I had to say goodbye to my class today, and i think it's one of the hardest things i've ever done. I guess part of me expected it to be easy - it was a difficult term and I thought I would be relieved to finish up there. However, my emotions caught me entirely by surprise.

I was struggling to hold back the tears all morning when they started arriving, and I realised that this really was the end. I probably wont' see any of them again. I thought about all the things that had happened over the last time - all the happy times, all the times where I had been pushed to the limit and just wanted to scream(!) all the times where I would have happily traded my job for anything - as long as it didn't require teaching those kids. But when I saw them this morning all I could think of was how much I am going to miss them. I couldn't help but shed a few tears when Damien asked me to guess what he had in his backpack, and then took out a gift bag for me, in which I found a box of chocolates. He had saved up money fromhis paper round to buy them for me. I was so touched I just burst into tears. Then at morning tea time the kids brought out this card they had made for me which they had all signed, saying how much they were going to miss me. It almost became too much. It was hard saying goodbye to my teacher aides, too. I have been blessed with an amazing team and had the pleasure of working with some of the most loyal people imaginable. Needless to say, I cried all the way home and even now still feel like a complete trainwreck. Goodbye Kieran, Ben, Damien, Jonathan, Erin, Stephanie - and my lovely teacher aides Helen and Jenny. I will miss all of you so much.

Surfacing

Coming up for air now - the confusion has gone, the world feels 'real' one again, and my thoughts are no longer haunting me (for now). I'm sitting on the couch, slouched over my Macbook, enjoying the sound that the rain makes as it slowly drips down outside. I'm being warmed from teh inside out by an English Muffin (plain with chutney and cheese....mmm.... my favourite). I feel secure in the knowledge that I am loved and I feel positive about the coming weekend and two weeks holiday. These things feel good and help drive away the negativity that threatens to rear its head. The negativity that is always present to some extent. I'm better at subduing it than I used to be, which is something to be happy (relieved) about I guess. I'm going out tonight, going to eat, drink and dance the night away (hmm... not sure about the dancing part but it seems to fit in the sentence, so I'll keep it). Some band is playing at the Adelaide. I wonder if they serve absinthe there? hmmm.... perhaps htat wouldn't be a good idea? ok, this post is rapidly turning into a stream of consciousness and will probably make little sense so I'll nip it in the bud and bid you all adieu - until next time.

Far from it

All up and down

I'm feeling as though I'm slowly being eroded, like the wind against rock in the desert, like the sea moving against the shore. I'm losing my energy, my life-force. I'm slowly being eroded away, until there will be nothing left.

It's late and I'm alone. I don't want to be alone, yet I deliberately put myself in situations so that I can be alone. It must be some subconscious urge. I'm tired and cranky but i don't want to go sleep just yet. I want to savor this time to myself, urge it to stretch out forever. I don't want to think about things, about work, about people......relationships. I want to just be. I want to sit here and listen to music and try not to think. But it's so hard not to.