We haven't had the internet working for the past few days, and in some ways it's been a real blessing. I've found time to do the stuff that I would usually put off because surfing the net takes the first priority. I have started another painting, I've got halfway through a book on Bipolar disorder, I even cleaned the cupboards (not as much fun). Ah yes, I've been a busy little thing. So anyway, I realised just how much time I waste aimlessly surfing the web. I thought about all the other stuff I could be doing and decided not to let it rule my life any more. It seems that these days, the internet has turned into my drug of choice - a drug that is all too easy to return to.
I'm still searching for something that resembles a faith that could work for me. I've been talking to as many people as I can, trying to get to know them in terms of their religious beliefs. I've found that for most people, it's a subject that they don't readily wish to discuss (although I was very appreciative of those who decided to share their beliefs with me in the comments section of the previous post). Belief, I've discovered, is a highly personal thing.
I've come to the conclusion that a big part of my problem lies in me feeling lonely and isolated from others - which is why a community of faith seems so appealing. But I just can't seem to find one that will work for me! I like so many aspects of different religions - but do not feel as though any of them suit me as an individual. It's made me start to really examine what I believe, and why. Am I beginning to create my own faith inside myself? It is fascinating to explore what is already there, inside of you.
I keep wondering if perhaps it would be different if I had been bought up in a religious household, instead of a completely atheist one? If I had been indoctrinated into a religion from the beginning then I would have been brought up in a community of some type and perhaps I wouldn't feel as lonely now?
I am of the opinion that I try my best to respect other people's beliefs - if it works for them, then that's a good thing. I enjoy hearing about what people believe, and why. I just don't want to be told what I should believe - because how can someone else know what's best for me?
Anyway, this post is making less and less sense the more I drink and my brain isn't quite up to putting my thoughts into words so I'll leave it at that. To be continued! (maybe when sober).
Feel free to shoot me down if you don't agree with any of this!
5 comments:
another lovely post, Fi!
I keep wondering if perhaps it would be different if I had been bought up in a religious household, instead of a completely atheist one?
I'm pretty sure things would have been different. Not necessarily better or worse, but different, certainly.
It is fascinating to explore what is already there, inside of you.
Hmm - I wonder if you've looked at http://www.quaker.org.nz/about/overview (half :-)
Belief, I've discovered, is a highly personal thing.
indeed, indeed. (At least for most of us.)
Hey Fi,
A friend sent this through to me today, and I thought it was a wonderful attempt to answer the questions, although as ever not a totaly answer, I totally agree with James, that being brought up in a religious household would have been different. Although it would not necessarily have given you faith, that is something so much more personal,your own private walk. Anyway belos is what I was sent.
Rick Warren (REMEMBER HE WROTE 'PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE')
You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren,
'Purpose Driven Life ' author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California
In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:
People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.
God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.
We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.
I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.
Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.
And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness,'which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her.
It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.
It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72
First, in spite of ! all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the chu rch had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.
That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.
God's Blessings on you today.
Perhaps rather than wonder what would happen if you were bought up in a religous household, consider the implications of being bought up in different types of religous households. Consider being bought up in a scientologist household, a islamic household based on sharia law (although I think you'd look good in one of those body covering things:).
Perhaps consider yourself lucky! You avoided being brainwashed into a cult at a young age!
Perhaps consider yourself lucky! You avoided being brainwashed into a cult at a young age!
Yep, I do, I do.
It's hard to think of Anglicanism as a cult. Whatever it is.
Yeah, defining "cult" without respect to "newness", "size", or "mainstreamness" makes all religons cults. EG:
(from Princeton) a system of religious beliefs and rituals; "devoted to the cultus of the Blessed Virgin"
Whereas other places define it relative to cultural norms:
(from Wikipedia) In religion and sociology, a cult is a term designating a cohesive group of people (generally, but not exclusively a relatively small and recently founded religious movement) devoted to beliefs or practices that the surrounding culture or society considers to be outside the mainstream or ..
Typing "define: cult" into google is very rewarding!
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