Ouch!

My little brother broke his leg in the weekend. I think his cast is quite possibly the biggest I have ever seen.....

New job and life in general

So I'm now 3 days into my new job, and so far I'm really enjoying it.

I work with a great team of nurses, psychologists, care workers, social workers, the resident Maori elders (the Kuia and Koro), and Pacific Island cultural representative.

Every morning we all meet to discuss any issues that have come up the night before, and before we begin we sing a song in Te Reo and someone will say a prayer or a Karakia. I really enjoy this part of the day and have found that it helps prepare me for the day ahead. The rest of the day is spent either teaching, or doing admin type stuff.

The best thing about this job (for me) is that I'm doing something that I am really passionate about. Second to that, is being able to work with such a professional and dedicated team.

I might need to pick your brains at some point regarding NCEA level Maths! I was looking through a NCEA level 1 textbook yesterday, and could not for the life of me remember how to do some of the stuff that was in it..... so I could probably do with a refresher course! hmmm.....

Shrimp Jump

A cute little video taken after an afternoon fishing in Titahi Bay.

Veering away from religion for a while -

I've found it fascinating to read the debate that has been raging in the comments section of late, regarding my posts on 'faith' and religion - and it has helped me reach some conclusions regarding my own personal 'faith'.

Anyway, moving on from that.

I had my final day of work at Kapi Mana School on Friday. I feel a great sense of relief to be out of there (at last) - although I will miss some of the kids and staff. I realised as I drove off that night, that I am ready to move on, and I don't feel too sad about it either - I am 100% sure that I've made the right decision for me, and I can't wait to begin learning new stuff and developing my skills further. The new job is really going to push me, but overall it's a challenge I'm willing to undertake. I feel as though my brain has been dormant for long enough!

Annoyingly enough, though, I came down with a cold on Thursday night and have felt like crap ever since. It's one of those irritating throat infections, which renders you incapable of talking without sounding all deep and husky (and then at times high pitched) - rather like a teenage boy. I guess I can see the humourous side of it, but I'm hoping it'll go on it's merry way by tomorrow. So for now it's staying in, watching DVD's by the fire and being pampered by Tim (I'm a lucky girl :D). So there is certainly an upside to it all.

More thoughts

We haven't had the internet working for the past few days, and in some ways it's been a real blessing. I've found time to do the stuff that I would usually put off because surfing the net takes the first priority. I have started another painting, I've got halfway through a book on Bipolar disorder, I even cleaned the cupboards (not as much fun). Ah yes, I've been a busy little thing. So anyway, I realised just how much time I waste aimlessly surfing the web. I thought about all the other stuff I could be doing and decided not to let it rule my life any more. It seems that these days, the internet has turned into my drug of choice - a drug that is all too easy to return to.

I'm still searching for something that resembles a faith that could work for me. I've been talking to as many people as I can, trying to get to know them in terms of their religious beliefs. I've found that for most people, it's a subject that they don't readily wish to discuss (although I was very appreciative of those who decided to share their beliefs with me in the comments section of the previous post). Belief, I've discovered, is a highly personal thing.

I've come to the conclusion that a big part of my problem lies in me feeling lonely and isolated from others - which is why a community of faith seems so appealing. But I just can't seem to find one that will work for me! I like so many aspects of different religions - but do not feel as though any of them suit me as an individual. It's made me start to really examine what I believe, and why. Am I beginning to create my own faith inside myself? It is fascinating to explore what is already there, inside of you.

I keep wondering if perhaps it would be different if I had been bought up in a religious household, instead of a completely atheist one? If I had been indoctrinated into a religion from the beginning then I would have been brought up in a community of some type and perhaps I wouldn't feel as lonely now?

I am of the opinion that I try my best to respect other people's beliefs - if it works for them, then that's a good thing. I enjoy hearing about what people believe, and why. I just don't want to be told what I should believe - because how can someone else know what's best for me?

Anyway, this post is making less and less sense the more I drink and my brain isn't quite up to putting my thoughts into words so I'll leave it at that. To be continued! (maybe when sober).

Feel free to shoot me down if you don't agree with any of this!

Faith

Too much wine brings out my argumentative side - according to Tim. Having said this, he shouldn't be surprised at my current mood given he came home with a sizeable bottle of bubbly. I forget the name now, but I remember him saying that it was a combination of two types of grapes - perhaps pinot gris and something else. I guess it doesn't really matter anyway.

I'm having trouble trying to find a meaning to life at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I really like my life and the direction it is heading in. It's just that sometimes I feel a little hollow, as in what is the whole point in continuing. I feel as though what i lack is a faith of some kind. I believe in what I have with Tim, I believe in where I am going in terms of my career. I just feel as though I'm lacking something essentially, and I don't know what it is. I want my life to feel like it has more meaning, more than just living out another life and the day to day trudge of existence. In the famous (or perhaps not so famous) words of Jarvis Cocker 'Please can you tell me just why we're alive/cos all that we do seems such a waste of time'. Maybe there is no reason, no underlying cause as to why we are here. I guess my ego finds that concept hard to digest. I should probably stop posting blog entries when I'm drunk because I doubt they make much sense. Ah self-doubt.

What I am trying to say is that I feel the need for some type of community of faith to belong to. Somethign that would unite me with other people. At times like this, I really wish that I had something definite to believe in, instead of being like a rudderless ship sailing around in circles forever in some vast ocean that is life.

Pretty much finished

I did some 'touch up' work on my painting last night. I mainly used the dry brush technique to lightly brush colour over the top of what I'd already painted. Its a very effective technique and can make up for a lack of talent, haha!

Here is the finished result: (or as finished as it's ever going to be). I'm planning to give it to my Mum as a Mother's day present - I've always thought that the best presents are the ones you make yourself.