Curry night!

Those of you who linger on facebook occasionally, may know that we have started a new Sunday night tradition - curry night! It all began last Saturday when we in Petone checking out the spice shops ('Nice & Spice' is particularly good). While browsing around, as you do, we came across a shop selling cookbooks. Lots of cookbooks. Our eyes fell upon the 'Asian' section, having recently been to Asia and being the aromatic food lovers that we are..... Tim noticed one book in particular, Madhur Jaffrey's 'Curry Bible'.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Madhur-Jaffreys-Ultimate-Curry-Bible/dp/0091874157

We browsed through, noting that within it's highly decorative pages it held recipes for curry's from all over the world. We were way too tempted. Needless to say, we left the store just a little poorer than when we went in :)

As we walked back to the car, I couldn't help but think about all the other cookbooks that sit on our shelf, get used once, and then proceed to gather dust..... so I suggested that we have a weekly 'curry night' and gradually work our way through the cookbook until we had cooked everything (ok, so I have to give some credit for that idea to the movie 'Julie and Julia', hehe). Anyway, it seemed like a good enough idea, and we quickly decided on a curry to make the next night 'Hyderabadi Fish with a sesame sauce'. That curry was a rip roaring success, and it paved the way to this weekend and 'Royal Chicken Korma' (Shani Murgh Korma).

So we are now sitting in our living room waiting for our dinner guests to arrive, the subtle aromas of saffron, coriander, and cinnamon wafting through the air. Life is good.

Frustration

I am feeling a little frustrated right now, and with one person in particular......

I don't usually take out my feelings regarding other people on blogs - I find it way too depressing and bitchy, but I've just had enough and need an outlet other than moaning to Tim about it (sorry Tim!). Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Anyway, I found out last Tuesday that one of my friends (lets just call her 'X' for privacy's sake) was ill. I called her up when I recieved her text and asked her if there was anything she wanted us to bring her, as she doesn't have a car and as she said she had not left the house since Sunday. She asked for some tissues and ice-cream as she had a cold (which she thought could be swine flu) and she wanted the ice-cream as it would be 'soothing' for her throat. So on the way to the gym I stopped in and dropped off ice-cream, and tissues, and told her to get in touch if there was anything else we could do, and offered to have her over at our place to stay the night so we could look after her. A said that she would be ok. I said that I would come over and see her on Wednesday night, as Wednesday night is the night that we usually hang out. I thought it might be a good idea to take her to the local health centre and get her enrolled in there so she could access the doctor (since the only medical centre she belongs to is one in town).

On Wednesday afternoon I felt myself start to get ill -runny nose, sore throat, a little fevery. I contacted X and asked her if she still wanted me to take her to the doctor, which she promptly replied 'I don't belong to the ...... medical centre, and all I need is Tamiflu'. She asked me if I could go to the pharmacy and get her some Tamiflu. I went across to the pharmacy in the hospital to enquire about Tamiflu - I was highly doubtful that they would sell it to me anyway, and I must have sounded pretty dodgy asking for it 'for a friend' (that old line!) I was told at the pharmacy that Tamiflu is only effective if you take it in the first 48 hours after becoming ill - and that if you buy it over the counter it is $80. It seemed pointless at that point to even try to buy it given that X had been ill since Sunday night and it was now Wednesday. 'She'll just have to ride it out' was the pharmacists helpful advice. I got in touch with X and told her the news and asked her if she wanted me to take her to the pharmacy. She said that she didn't think it would help so I said that I would just go home then, as I wasn't feeling too good myself.

The next day (Thursday) I stayed at home and tried to relax. I was in touch with X who reported that she was feeling 'mildly better'. That relieved me somewhat, as I had been worried about her.

The following day I was also off sick, after being sent home from work by my boss. I decided to give X a call and see how she was - I had sent her a message asking her if she wanted to come to the fruit and vege market with us on Saturday to which she replied 'I'm very sick. I haven't been out of the house all week.' I called her up and she basically laid into me for 'not coming to see her on Wednesday night like I said I would', as apparently I had said that I would take her to the doctors. This confused me to begin with because she had said she didn't want to go to the local doctors as she was not a member there. She said she was 'really disappointed in me'. I found this frankly quite bizarre, and pointed out to her that she hadn't said anything about wanting to go to the doctors and that I had been coming down with a cold that afternoon and so had just headed home when she had said she didn't want to go the local doctors or to the pharmacy.

She then went on to say that she had had trouble breathing the night before, and had considered going to the A and E. When I asked her how she had planned to get there, she said 'by taxi' - which is pretty outrageous given that we had said to contact us if there was anything she needed. It seemed bizarre that someone who is so strapped for cash would rather take a taxi to the A and E then get in touch with her so-called close friends and ask them to take her (when we had offered to help out any way we could). 'Do you want me to take you now?' I asked her, to which she replied no. There was a big uncomfortable silence on the phone and I asked her if there was anything else she needed, ie, in the way of groceries etc as she hadn't been able to get out of the house and she promptly responded that her ex boyfriend from Auckland had ordered her some through Woolworths and then said 'Thank god for J, he's been a life saver'. We descended once more into an uncomfortable silence and then she said 'See you later' and hung up.

So I don't know if it's just me, but I think that's a pretty shit way to treat someone - I had offered to take her to the doctors, the pharmacy, to stay at our place, had asked her if there was anything she needed. And why on earth would you consider taking a taxi to the A and E when friends have willingly offered to help you out? To be honest, I just find it a bit insulting. It makes me wonder why I even bother.

I'll probably come back and delete this bitchy post at some stage, but I just needed to get it off my chest -any advice would be appreciated! I mean, perhaps there is something more I should have done? I don't know..... I'm pretty sure I did all I could given the information she passed over to me at the time. Goddamn you X!!!! why do you have to make it so hard for yourself?

Is it just me or do people who expect to be let down and disappointed in others go out of their way to make sure that they are disappointed and let down, by pushing people away and making them so frustrated in them that they just give up? because it sure seems like that to me right now.

Cogito ergo sum

I really don't know how to begin this blog post, so I'll just plunge right on in. I'm feeling a whole raft of emotions right now, including extreme tiredness, due to a bout of insomnia last night. I haven't been sleeping well at all lately, and it's starting to take it's toll as I'm going to bed expecting not to be able to sleep well and therefore, what do you know, I end up in one of those self fulfilling prophecy type situations where my fear becomes my reality. Ever since I was about 17 I've had varying degrees of insomnia for both short and long periods of time. I know that it is mainly caused by anxiety and depression - and that it tends to strike when I am going through periods of stress in my life. Of course, this is no great revelation in itself, merely a problem that I am trying to get to the bottom of. Why am I stressed? what do I have in my life that is causing me stress? why do I feel so anxious all the time?

On the home front things are good - Tim is fantastic and very supportive. I think it has more to do with work and with other situations that I feel are out of my control.

Work. Work, work, work. I have such mixed feelings about work. Lately I've begun to feel very weary of work. I'm finding it to be one of those jobs that you simply cannot stop thinking about. I feel as though it is always with me wherever I go, or whatever I happen to be doing. For instance, I find myself engaging in some form of pleasurable activity, and suddenly I'll realise that for the past five minutes I haven't been present in what I'm doing at all, but trapped in my head thinking about the next day at work, or something someone said or did that day. It's always there, lurking in the back of my mind. I wish I knew better strategies for simply being able to forget about it, and I wish that I was able to sleep easier. Insomnia is the dark country that I feel I know all too well. It is a landscape that I navigate alone.

The other night when I couldn't sleep I got up and stood in front of the window, gazing out at the stars, bathed in the dim glow of the full moon. I felt so alone, as though I was the only person awake (or even existing) in that point of time. I reached my hand out, tracing my fingertips down the glass, feeling the darkness being kept at bay. It was as though the glass were a barrier separating me from the rest of the world. I cannot exist within it, I can only watch and yearn for it, just as I yearn to move past this and stop living in my head and start living.

What a home-maker!

I am now officially on one of my tri-annual two week holidays. Starting today, I have almost two weeks completely at my disposal, and boy does it feel fantastic!

I don't want to brag, but I really really enjoy having all this time to myself. I used to feel slightly guilty about it and I guess this is because of the reaction I get from most people when they hear about how many weeks of hoildays teachers get. I used to feel as though I had to justify my 'non-contact time'. Now, however, I just kick back and enjoy it.

And how does one enjoy twelve weeks of holiday? I hear you ask.

My time is taken up by all sorts of things. Often, I'll use the holidays as a chance to visit my whanau in Christchurch. This is a regular thing for me, and I usually visit them three or four times a year, usually for five days at a time (don't ask me why, but this has worked out to be the perfect amount of time - Mum and Dad are just getting to the point where they're sick of me and I take off.) Sometimes, my holidays are used to catch up with old friends I haven't had a chance to see throughout the busy term. There really is nothing better than having the morning to sit in a cafe and share gossip over coffee. Uusally, there are a few odd jobs to do around the house and garden - or I create jobs for myself, such as this morning when I decided to make Quince Jelly or decide to redecorate my office - now that's going to be a big job!

The rest of the time is 'me' time. I use this time effectively to refresh my mind and get all that stuff out of the way that I haven't had time for during the term. Reading, playing Piano, writing, completing mosaics and ugly dolls, watching chick flicks while lying in bed with a steaming hot cup of tea, listening to audio books, just generally enjoying time alone.

I think I may have discovered the perfect work/life balance for me, and I love it.

March - missing in action!

Seldom do I seem to find the time to post on this blog these days, but after reading Katherine's eloquent post, I figured I'd make the effort.

I'm sitting here pondering the upcoming weeks - next Thursday marks my last day of work for the term. This term has been interesting - not many kids, but some positive stuff has happened. We have helped one get back into school after having missed most of the term, classes have generally gone well, and more and more I feel as though I'm coming to grips with the curriculum material. Some things that have 'shocked' me (for lack of a better word) was seeing the rapid mental decline of one of my students, and working with a tiny 11 year old girl with a severe eating disorder who has to be fed through a nasal gastric tube. I found it really difficult to work with this particular child - not because of her behaviour, but because of the realisation that she may never recover.

But all in all, I feel as though it has been a relatively successful term (if you can call it that.) I'm feeling so much more confident in what I do, and in my own abilities. Sometimes I leave work thinking 'I love my job' which is something I never thought I'd ever experience. All positive things.

Be tempted.....

Tim arrived home today with some delicious pre-valentine's day treats - Cupcakes from Tempt!

For those of you that don't know - or don't work in town - Tempt is a small company that specialises in making beautifully unique cupcakes and cakes. Each one seems to be a lovely small package of flavour and elegant design - the ultimate treat for yourself or someone you want to score some major brownie points from!

http://www.tempt.net.nz/

It was a nice way to end the working week.

Yes, I am back of work. Have just finished my second week back. It's had it's moments so far. I've enjoyed being back - especially the stimulus that it's been providing my brain (endless holidays can make you feel a bit dreary), however, I currently only have three students on my roll! for some reason, the unit is remarkably quiet at the moment - apparently it's quieter than it's ever been before. We only have five in-patients at present - in an in-patient unit that is usually full to the brim with all 12 beds full, and a waiting list for those that need to get in! I suppose it's good that kids aren't needing to be in there, but it does make my job a little boring. I won't complain too much though, because undoubtedly before long we'll get an influx of clients, and then I'll be eating my words! I finished so early today that I ended up having to fill in my time by doing some of my Correspondence School Maths...... still, I suppose its better than doing it at home, with all the distractions around.

It's my birthday tomrrow, and the last year of being in my 20's. This decade seems to have passed by rather fast (at an alarming speed would be a more accurate description). I'm starting to feel as though I'm fast becoming more 'adult' and it's got me thinking more about the future and things like having kids and watching them grow up. Someone once said to me that when you have kids you leave the last vestiges of your childhood behind forever. I have been thinking about this and wondering if I could do that - leave behind this lifestyle that we have become accustomed to. Adopt more responsibility and live for someone else for a change. The idea seems both daunting and exciting. I keep wondering how having kids would fit in with the life we have now, with my career, with our careers?? I am beginning to realise that it is something that I can't keep putting off, I can't keep saying 'in another couple of years'.

Anyway, that's enough ranting for one day. We're off to dinner now - am thinking along the lines of a curry, garlic naan, and a beer. Mmm.....

xx Fi

Camp Quality!

Hi everyone,

Well, after an action packed six days, Tim and I returned from Camp Quality today.

I don't really know where to begin in terms of describing what it was like being on camp. I can only sum it up by saying that it was both fun and hard work.

We had a tightly packed schedule that gave the campers (and us!) an opportunity to do everything from horse riding to go on a four wheel drive ride through the hills of Masterton, to attend the Wings over Wairarapa airshow.

And who could forget the dorm decorating (our theme was 'power princess'), the boys trying to sneak into the girls dorms at night, the endless swims in the school pool, the lolly scrambles (both from the air), and the breakfasts, lunches and dinners that nearly all appeared to contain chips on the menu!

It was intense, but it was definitely worthwhile and I'll probably volunteer again next year.

Now for some pictures:

January so far

January 7th - back to work in a month's time (actually less than that - scary thought!)

Thoughts on January so far:

Long lazy afternoons reading, watching 'Buffy: The vampire slayer', listening to the sound of the adolescent Tui as they practice their song.

Making dinner for Tim's parents (Italian, with real pasta and real sauce), playing Texas hold 'em with Damian.

Watching the front garden finally start to come together, replanting roses, repairing irrigation (thanks, Tim!)

Working out at the gym lots, and nearly fainting with exhaustion at times, working on the garden, working at my writing, not doing much in the way of real 'work' :)

And what is to come? Camp Quality in ten days time, Norfolk Island in just over three weeks.

Will their be time to do everything?