Sunday ramblings of a personal nature.

I'm missing Tim!

I dropped him off at the airport a few hours ago, and already I'm feeling rather disjointed, and not really knowing what to do with myself. So far, I've got home, put a load of washing on, done some gardening, and idly surfed the internet (and played around with the 'Gimp' - don't get any crazy ideas, it's merely a Linux photoshop programme, although I'm sure most of you who read this blog know that anyway.....). But now I feel at a loss of what to do. I had all these grandiose schemes in my head, but they seem to pale in comparison to having someone around. It's going to be a lonely five or so days until he gets back.

Being alone always makes me wonder how much of what you are is defined, or based by how other's percieve and treat you when you are around them. Going from being part of a partnership, or collective to being an individual. I was talking to a friend who has recently got out a long-term relationship and moved city, and she described feeling almost a loss of identity now that she has broken up from her partner. She describes missing all the 'in-jokes' they shared, and the feeling of always having someone around to talk to. She misses the nicknames and the comfort of knowing that someone is there to define who you are. I guess when you're alone, there is no one around to confirm your existance, to remind you that you are alive and that your life will leave a mark on the world.

I feel alone right now, but I also know that it is only temporary - tomorrow being a work day and the chance to socialise with my workmates. But I've realised that I don't like being alone, everything seems so much more pointless. I miss Tim so much and it makes me wonder how I'd survive if anything ever happened to him. Would I be strong enough to carry on without him? or would I even want to? I'm beginning to get an inkling about how devestating it would be to lose a spouse, and why some people seem to give up the will to live when their spouse is gone.

Any thoughts?