Who wants to live forever?

It's a chiche, but do you ever stop to think just how short life really is, and how little time we actually have? I've been thinking about this a lot lately - I don't know about anyone else, but perhaps having kids is a reminder of your own mortality? that time is eventually going to run out, that you are going to grow old and die one day.

I don't mean this post to come across as being morbid in any way, it's just something I've been thinking about recently. I was hoping that when I die, I would have lived a long and full life, and done all the things I'd wanted to do, and not have been held back by fear. As an atheist, I belive that this is it. I don't believe in an afterlife, I don't think there is anything beyond this.

I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of missing out on all the wonderful things that the world has to offer. I would miss spending time with my family - in particular, with Tim and Vivi, with my parents, siblings - I would miss my valuable and inspiring friends. I would miss music, laughter, the breathtaking beauty of a sunrise (now, there's a cliche if ever there was one!), I would miss feeling inspired and that feeling that you get sometimes where you feel as though you're going to live forever and ever and ever. I would miss watching our daughter grow up, and see the awesome person that I know she's going to become.

I am 31 years old now, who knows how much longer I'll have left - I'm hoping it'll be a long time -another lifetime and a bit, but who's to know? I guess the whole point is to make the most of what you have, and if you don't like what you have, then to do what you can to change things and to make life worth living - both for yourself, and for those you love.

Because in the end, it's all about love.

SAHM

It's easy to be idealistic about childcare options and returning to work before you have a child. Here I was, thinking that I would return to work at the end of June, after nine months maternity leave, that we would place Vivi in a daycare centre near the hospital where I worked, that it would all go 'according to plan'. However, as we were to soon learn, not much about having a baby (or a child, for that matter) ever goes 'to plan'.

For instance, we hadn't factored into our grand plan, the fact that our daughter would have severe reflux that would take months to become managable.

Nor did I have any conception of the bond that develops between you and your child, when you spend all day with them. You are thinking about them, every waking moment.

So it didn't come as any surprise to me, when I realised that there was no way I was going to be able to return to work full time as planned. There was no way we were going to be able to put Vivi in daycare, with a bunch of people who were essentially strangers to her. I knew that I would not be able to trust anyone else to look after her.

I feel incredibly lucky that I am able to stay at home to be with Vivi, no matter how much I miss the stimulation of work and the friends I made there - being at home with our daughter (to me) is infinitely more important.

Some people are lucky enough to have parents who live in the same city, who are able to look after their children while they go to work. As one of my friends said to me 'I know that Mum and Dad love her - they really love her and want to look after her. I couldn't have gone back to work knowing that she was just being left with people who were paid to look after her. At least I know they love her in the same way that I do.'

Making the decision not to go back to work (in some respects) was one of the hardest I have ever had to make but I feel that it was the right decison for us as a family.