And the beginning of something new. This may be the last post I ever write before we become parents. The thought is exciting, although at the same time slightly too big to comprehend. I still have only the vaguest idea about what it means to be a 'parent', but I have the feeling that life will shift dramatically, more than I can begin to imagine.
I've felt really calm and a feeling of tranquility and of peace with the world, recently. This whole pregnancy appears to have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster at times, I have gone through periods of deep depression, anxiety, complete elevation in mood. You name it, I've been there. However, the last couple of weeks have provided with me with a peace of mind that I have only ever experienced rarely, and never for such a prolonged period. I just feel so ..... calm ..... like nothing can phase me. It's quite a new feeling for me, the anxieties of old having been stripped away (for now) leaving me to emerge and live life free of them (for once).
The weather today appeared to reflect my mood. It was one of those beautiful early spring days, when Wellington appears to live up to the 'You can't beat Wellington on a good day' phrase. The day dawned, bright and bold, the air was crisp and fresh with the scent of freesias and tulips from our garden, the world appeared to be wide and full of promise, enticing me to come out and play. I drew the curtains back, feeling endless opportunity wash over me, as though I would live forever and ever. It was beautiful. I made an effort to get outside and go for a walk around the neighbourhood, feeling really present in the moment and full of joy. I strode through the long grass of the nearby reserve, watching the swallows swoop and dance in the sunlight. Life really is incredible.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Life
Are you ever able to fully comprehend someone taking their own life? that's the question that's been lodged in my mind since yesterday morning, when I found out that someone we knew very well had done just that.
I'm trying to understand what would lead someone to feel that there was no way out, that things had reached a stage where the only option open to them was to end it all. That there was no one that could help, nothing that could be done. That there was no small sliver of hope to cling on to.
I just don't understand.
I just feel so upset and sad.
I'm trying to understand what would lead someone to feel that there was no way out, that things had reached a stage where the only option open to them was to end it all. That there was no one that could help, nothing that could be done. That there was no small sliver of hope to cling on to.
I just don't understand.
I just feel so upset and sad.
Friday, January 1, 2010
A new year and a new direction
2010.
Hard to believe that another decade has just slipped by.
Does anyone here believe in new years resolutions? not me.
I decided to write in this blog again mainly after speaking to James and Katherine. I had felt pretty uninspired to write in here as I thought that no one was reading it, so why continue? I was surprised to hear them ask about it, as i thought it had been forgotten. So here we are, and I'm writing, with absolutely no direction and no knowledge of what to write about so.....
I'm going to start from the beginning. Or perhaps from the end and work my way backwards?
I will be turning 30 in a couple of months time (less than that actually - in all of 40ish days). As I feel myself approaching this momentous birthday, I feel myself becoming more of an 'adult' as if closing the door on the 'noughties' is like laying the past behind me. I like the idea of closing the door on an era, and looking with excitement towards the next one. When I am in the right mindframe the world seems simply alive with possibilities. I feel as though this upcoming decade will hold a new direction for me (well, at least i hope so). Perhaps part of getting older is realising that your time on earth is finite - and that you have to make the most of the here and now. That you have to take a few risks in order to fulfill your dreams. I guess all of us are bound by limits of one kind or another (those that you place on yourself, in particular). For instance, I find it really hard to believe that people like me or want to be my friend. I think we've you've been burnt so many times it makes you cautious. I'm trying to move away from that mindset and take a risk or two, because I enjoy the company of others and I don't want to be alone. I really enjoyed my time down in Christchurch recently (despite the family dramas that were going on at the time) because I was always surrounded by others. And by people who cared about me and who knew me. It was so nice just to always have someone around to talk to. I can't wait to have a family of my own.
So on that note I should probably get off my computer and do something constructive.
One more thing - I need help with writing this blog and any inspiration you guys can give me in terms of what to write about I would be most grateful! I need a writing challenge. So topics, ideas, questions, anything - let me know!
Hard to believe that another decade has just slipped by.
Does anyone here believe in new years resolutions? not me.
I decided to write in this blog again mainly after speaking to James and Katherine. I had felt pretty uninspired to write in here as I thought that no one was reading it, so why continue? I was surprised to hear them ask about it, as i thought it had been forgotten. So here we are, and I'm writing, with absolutely no direction and no knowledge of what to write about so.....
I'm going to start from the beginning. Or perhaps from the end and work my way backwards?
I will be turning 30 in a couple of months time (less than that actually - in all of 40ish days). As I feel myself approaching this momentous birthday, I feel myself becoming more of an 'adult' as if closing the door on the 'noughties' is like laying the past behind me. I like the idea of closing the door on an era, and looking with excitement towards the next one. When I am in the right mindframe the world seems simply alive with possibilities. I feel as though this upcoming decade will hold a new direction for me (well, at least i hope so). Perhaps part of getting older is realising that your time on earth is finite - and that you have to make the most of the here and now. That you have to take a few risks in order to fulfill your dreams. I guess all of us are bound by limits of one kind or another (those that you place on yourself, in particular). For instance, I find it really hard to believe that people like me or want to be my friend. I think we've you've been burnt so many times it makes you cautious. I'm trying to move away from that mindset and take a risk or two, because I enjoy the company of others and I don't want to be alone. I really enjoyed my time down in Christchurch recently (despite the family dramas that were going on at the time) because I was always surrounded by others. And by people who cared about me and who knew me. It was so nice just to always have someone around to talk to. I can't wait to have a family of my own.
So on that note I should probably get off my computer and do something constructive.
One more thing - I need help with writing this blog and any inspiration you guys can give me in terms of what to write about I would be most grateful! I need a writing challenge. So topics, ideas, questions, anything - let me know!
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