Time for some honesty!

Do you ever wake up, look at yourself, and wonder where all the years have gone? will time always move this fast? I woke up a while back, maybe a couple of weeks or so ago, with just a complete feeling of panic. I felt as though life was passing me by, and that I hadn't even begun doing what I wanted to do. Its like you have this mental image in your mind of the future, and then you realise that you are living the future - that its not something that is just going to happen 'one day' - but that it is something happening right now. I have so many things I want to do in my life - and am I doing them? no, not all of them. I want to write, I want to spend time in solitude, I want to see other countries, meet people that stimulate me......... who encourage me, and allow me to be myself. So much of what I do feels like an act - as though I'm playing a role or a part in some greater production - that I am an actor struggling to remember my lines and show the appropriate emotions that is required of her. I guess I'm afraid to be myself around other people because I've got this fear of being turned away - of being shot down. And to be honest, I find it hard to trust people, I find it hard to believe that they're not going to try and harm me in some way. Some of this stems from experiences I've had in my life where I've been hurt badly by those I've loved, and so I get afraid to open up, afraid to try. I often wonder if perhaps everyone feels like this? or maybe its just me and my lack of confidence?

Well, I suppose you just have to keep trying. You have to, otherwise you might as well go and live in a cave and stop interacting with other people altogether. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm going to try harder to break down the barriers between myself and others, but at the same time, I think that if I get hurt one more time I won't have the strength to try again, not for a long time, anyway. I'm so grateful for the people in my life that I trust completely and can open up to completely, and I'm going to try to do this more, and extend my group of confidantes.

God, this is making barely any sense! maybe I need another drink?

I'm probably going to look at this and cringe, at some later stage. But it does feel refreshing to just be honest for a change. I think I'll continue this post at some later stage, but for now, I'll leave you with this to think about:

Our study rocks!

Here is the new layout of our 'study'.

It was Tim's idea to put down the red rug. I think it's really made the study seem more homely and warm.

What do you think?

My new glasses have arrived!

Well, they finally arrived today - the two pairs of prescription glasses I purchased from the internet! here are a couple of pictures of them. I really like them, and as an added bonus, it's nice to be able to see properly again!

For those of you that don't know, you can buy prescription lenses and frames from a company called '39 dollar glasses', for, you guessed it, $39 US. If you want to look it up, its http://www.39dollarglasses.com. It costs only $39 for the frames and the lenses! all you need to do is send your prescription in (which you can get for free from your optometrist). Stuff paying over $500 per pair!!

Apart from buying glasses on the net, I haven't been up to much recently. Just enjoying the new house, and trying not to get myself killed at work (I kid, I kid!). Nah, just the usual stuff to pass the time. Oh, and Tim and I have finally got our study the way we want it, so I'll post up a couple of pictures of that for you!

Ciao!

Our lounge!

Here it is, in all it's glory! what do you think of our leather sofa's? we got them from Nicki Brindle, Tim's lovely Aunty, when she was recently having a clean-out of her garage.

BTW, We brought a bean bag today (dark blue) and have placed it where that little coffee table is in the photo. I love bean bags!

Dinner at Debs and Nicks

Last night we caught up with our friends Debbie and Nick - who have recently got engaged! congratulations guys! they are also, like us, new home owners.

They cooked us a spectacular dinner (which is what you get when you have dinner with Deb's cooking, as she loves to try out really exotic recipes). She made tomato and onion tartlets, these scrumptious pear and blue cheese things, topped with beaten egg white, and the most tender steak, cooked for us on their bbq outside the door of their lounge! so we were looked after rather well. Their house is really cool, some of the decor is really retro, which I love. I wanted to make off with their lampshades in their lounge, and Tim even suggested swapping them for the ones we have in our bedroom, but unfortunately for us, they didn't buy into it! oh well! you can't blame us for trying, though!

Today we are busy with the house - trying to get the rest of the boxes unpacked, etc etc. It's proving to take more time than I thought, but slowly the house is feeling more like ours, which is a good thing :D we woke up early today and I went outside and discovered that the weekend paper had been delivered again (mistakenly), but it was lovely having it, and reading in bed with a cup of tea (assam tea......mmmm), with the sun streaming in through out window. So things are great up here. Very relaxing, and we're planning on having a night in by ourselves and cooking up a lovely big roast dinner. We're married and can afford to let ourselves go, just a little!

Thoughts from today........

This is one of the most beautiful poems I know..... written by Mary Elizabeth Frye.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die.

Tim, Nori, and Tane come to visit!

Our friends Tim and Nori came to visit us today, and brought their son Tane (10 months) along, to say hi. Here they are on our porch. They are really awesome people, and Tane is so cute! he loved playing on our swiss ball, and he could have spent all day in the garden :D They live in the Hutt Valley as well, so it's not such a hike for them to get to our place.